A Birth Story...a perfect beginning

Our family was happy.  We had three girls and I was completely content. I was fine to call our family complete. Well, Ben pushed me to go to the temple with him seeking an answer about whether or not that is what Heavenly Father wanted for our family.  Let's be honest...I didn't want to.  I didn't want to up the chances of my boat being rocked - we were smooth sailing...prayer usually rocks my boat.

As we were sitting in the temple, I felt strongly that we were supposed to have another baby.  I also felt that we would get pregnant in August.  This was the end of 2011, beginning of 2012.  So, I had a few months before August, and it took that long for me to really come to terms with the Lord's plan for us.

August rolled around and I found out I was pregnant.  It blew me away. In the past, we struggled getting pregnant. This happened and it happened quickly.  So, I went with it. I was excited - knowing that it was what we were supposed to be doing.  If the Lord had a plan - it was going to work out and I would obey.

Fast forward eight and a half months, and you find me. Miserable.  My 35th birthday came and went and I was feeling my age.  I hurt...everywhere.  I was counting down the time until this sweet thing came - mostly because I wanted to feel normal again.  I wanted my body back.  I wasn't sleeping at night.  I had round ligament spasms or charley horses constantly. I felt paralyzed when I would stand up and try to take a step. I was miserable. I could go on and on about the aches and pains I was experiencing, but I won't.  Just know that I was completely MISERABLE.

I went in to see my midwife, Rachel, and she agreed that she would induce me at 39 weeks - as long as I was favorable.  My official due date was May 1st. So, now I was scheduled to be induced on April 24th.  On the Friday before my scheduled induction, I was at a 3 and Helene - the other midwife - said I was "favorable." So, the plans began. I finished the last few things on my list so I could be ready to be induced Wednesday morning.

My parents both came down on Tuesday.  We went out to dinner at Chuck-a-rama and spent some quality time together as a little family of five. My dad gave me a beautiful blessing that night before we all went to bed. It had been a long time since my Daddy had given me a blessing, and Ben was gracious enough to ask if I would like him to be the voice.  I was surprised by that, but grateful too.  Later, Ben said that every girl needs her daddy and that he would have been honored if any one of his girls had chosen him to give them a blessing.  He was so sweet about it.

It was late before we got to bed - because we were all so stinking excited! After the girls finally went to sleep, Ben and I finished packing the last few things and attempted to sleep.  We were told to call at 5:30 a.m. and see what was happening at the hospital - with the warning that we could be bumped - depending on how busy Labor and Delivery was.  So, we called at 5:28 :) and they told us to call back at 10.  We got up and sent Cadence to school...had some breakfast...hung out...and tried to stay calm.  (Secretly, I was a mess!)  When Ben called at 10, they told us to plan on coming at 11:30, but to call again at 11 to make sure nothing had changed.  Ben loaded our bags into the truck and we headed to the mall to walk around.  We said goodbye to the little girls and headed out.

After walking around the mall, having a few random contractions and round ligament pain...we crossed our fingers and called again.  "Come on up!" was their response.

Ben ran through the drive-thru at Burger King and got some lunch and we were off...

We got to the hospital and I was SUPER nervous.  I couldn't believe this was actually happening.  We walked into Labor and Delivery and they showed us to our room...#3007.  We walked in and I saw this...

and I panicked!  It was tiny...and it was going to fit on the baby that was going to come out of me...Holy Crap!! I changed my mind...let's just come back another day...maybe it will be better if she comes on her own and isn't forced out of me...I've heard horror stories about induction...yeah, we better wait...this isn't a good idea...what is my midwife thinking?...she should be making me wait and do this "naturally"...what kind of midwife am I working with...maybe the doctors would be a better fit for me this time...RUN!!!

Ben had left me for a few minutes to grab something we'd left in the truck and these were the thoughts that were running through my mind...I was terrified.  I wanted to hide before he came back.  I tried to pull myself together.  So, I changed into the robe they gave me and I wandered around the room again.  I was trying to breath. I knew it was time. I knew it was. So, I took a few deep breaths and Ben returned. He put on my beautiful necklace, reminded me where it came from and took this picture...

As I was leaving the house, Berklee stopped me at the stairs and said, "I have something for you..." She skipped off in her carefree way and when she returned, she carried her most precious necklace.  It was the sweetest thing. She put it around my neck, gave me a kiss and sent me off with her little good luck charm. After Ben put it around my neck, I calmed down...ready for this adventure to really get going.  

After a few minutes, two nurses came in and started getting me all hooked up.  I tested positive for Group B Strep so I had to have two doses of antibiotics four hours apart before I could deliver. The nurse who was putting in my IV couldn't find a vein to use because apparently I was dehydrated.  She stuck me once and couldn't get it to thread.  They warmed up my other hand and Rachel, my midwife, came in tried...but blew my vein. I was seriously irritated.  It hurt like crazy and for nothing! I said, "You guys are already fired!" They laughed and finally got the IV hooked up after stealing a little instrument from the NICU.  It's a light they could shine over my skin and it showed exactly where the veins were. They played with it for a while and finally got my IV going.

They started the Pitocin as well...drip...drip...drip...

Ben and I put in a movie and settled in for the duration. We watched the last Twilight movie and I was relatively comfortable through most of it.  By the time it ended, the contractions were starting to take my breath away.  I did my best to just breath through them and enjoy some green jello.

Mmmmm!!!! We put in another video and I was hoping to get my epidural soon.  I didn't want to get it too early and be confined to bed because I was still able to get up and have clear liquids.

My mom arrived around twoish and was providing moral support from the corner...

I think she's been working on a blessing blanket during every one of my labor and deliveries.  I am always grateful she's there.

Well, once those contractions really started coming, I called for the DRUGS!!  I made it until almost five before I asked for it.  Rachel was supposed to come up and break my water after she finished up at the office and I wanted to be nice and comfy before she got there.  She actually walked in around the same time the anesthesiologist did.  I got my drugs and settled in...

Ben and Mom went to grab some dinner and I was enjoying the nice warm tingly feeling in my feet.  I was hoping to get a nap while they were gone, but I didn't actually get any sleep before they came back...I was relaxed and happy even though the monitor was showing this action...

After Rachel broke my water, things started progressing a little faster.  Pretty soon, my nurse, Holly, and Rachel were both in the room watching the monitor and moving me from one side to the other.  Every time I had a contraction, the baby's heart rate would drop.  Then they were having a hard time picking it up at all.  I tried really hard to stay calm, but was freaking out inside. They put a probe on her head and tried to monitor it that way, but lost it again - because the silly thing fell out. Finally they stopped the Pitocin, put an oxygen mask on me...

then they got me on my side where they could get the best reading and let the baby recover for a little while.  I was nervous and worried.  For some reason, I have been extra concerned with this pregnancy and constantly thought about crazy problems that could occur.

In the blessing my dad gave me, he talked a lot about how I would feel extra close to the spirit and that the veil would be very thin...that I would feel close to my Heavenly Father and that this little person was special.  Ben had also been given a blessing months previous and told that this little person would change our family in ways we couldn't even imagine. That she was going to be a "bringer of joy". We both worried deep down that something was wrong...because of some of the things said in our blessings.  

So, here we were...and I'm picturing not coming home with a baby.  That is an awful place.  I knew that she was special.  I was so looking forward to meeting her...and I was terrified.  Terrified that there was something wrong and we weren't ready for it.  Again, I tried to take a breath and pull myself together...tried to remember the good luck charm my two-year old had put around my neck that morning.   

Well, after a little while, the baby recovered a bit and they started the pitocin again. And things really took off from there.  I was feeling more pressure and Rachel checked me - I was at a 7.  I started shaking uncontrollably - which was awkward.  They explained that it was because of all the adrenaline running through my body.  Things were progressing quickly and my body was in a bit of shock. It didn't seem like too much time passed and I was feeling even more pressure.  I said, "I really think you better check me."  Before I knew it, she was telling me to push.  It was happening so fast, I didn't have my wits about me.  I wasn't quite ready to hear that and I started panicking again.  

I don't remember how to push...  I really don't think I'm going to be able to get this baby out of me...  Ahhhhh!!  I can't do this... I'm not ready...Wait...WAIT!!!...no, seriously...hold on!

I did struggle pushing through the first two contractions and the baby's heart beat dropped again.  They rolled me to my side and we tried again.  All it took was another two contractions and she was here.

This was the moment when I fell hard...I fell completely in love with this angel that was being placed in my arms.  I felt like I was holding half of my heart.  I had just delivered half my heart and was holding it - feeling it beat in my arms.  I'd never felt anything like it before.  She was perfect and I was caught up in "THAT MOMENT"... the moment that completely changes you from the inside out.  Like the moment I realized that I knew the gospel was true...the moment I knew I was supposed to serve a mission...the moment I realized I was in love with Ben...the moment I met each of my other daughters...  

The moment I met this little princess is something that might be impossible to even put into words.  I knew she was going to change me - for the better - forever...  

 I held her in my arms...

I looked into her eyes...

It was overwhelming and exciting and scary and stirring and delightful and consuming.

After meeting her for those few brief minutes...the nurses took her to get her pinked up.  She was pretty purple coming out and wasn't crying enough to get her oxygen up.  

They never did get her oxygen where they wanted it, but they decided to bring her back to me...hoping that being skin to skin would help... it did.  I started to nurse her, and her levels stabilized quickly.  She was a champ. Didn't even hesitate...knew exactly what to do.  

After I fed her, the nurse finally weighed and measured her.  She weighed in at 8 lbs 4 oz.  My smallest baby. And was 21 inches long - just like her sisters...

Getting this baby here was quite the experience.  After she arrived, I immediately started crying.  I was really overcome with emotions. The spirit was so strong and I knew that this sweet little one was sent to me.  

I looked into her eyes and was lost.
I heard once that...
"the beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, 
because that is the doorway to her heart...
the place where love resides."

I was going to be her mom...forever.  I was going to hold her hand and walk with her and teach her and love her and hold her and comfort her.

I get to be her mom!!!

I knew that she was okay.  

It was like a wave washing over me.  

The spirit was so strong.  

She was here and she was perfect.  

A sweet miracle.  

A timeless treasure.  

A perfect beginning.

Now, to find this girl a name...

to be continued...