What's in a Name?

This baby was nameless when we went to the hospital. We did go with a short list of names. We knew that we wanted to use either Ann or Nicole as the middle name - for sure... As for a first name, here's our short list...

Gemma
Camie
Maelin
Aria
Fynnley
Brilynn
Brystal
Hartlyn
Cameo

Everyone just kept telling us that we'd "know when we saw her". I didn't believe it, but what could we do...we could NOT agree on a name...we just had to believe that we'd somehow "know".

Now, if SHE had been a HE, his name would have been Bennett Chad. Which is really kind of ironic because in the past, we always had a girl name, but could never agree on a boy name. Ben hated Bennett at first because his barber as a little boy was Tom Bennett. He finally agreed to use it, but of course, the hopes of having a boy were dashed to pieces during the 20 week ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was so funny about it too. "There's the spleen, there's the kidney, it's a girl, there's the liver..." It was completely void of any emotion or even a simple pause. Very disappointing, really. Ben even made her go back and check because she passed over it with such nonchalance.

So, for the rest of the pregnancy, we discussed names constantly. The other three girls have names that aren't necessarily unique or off the wall, but they are a little different...not common like Emma or Sophie. So, I didn't think we could name our third girl a common name. Ben wanted to. He came up with several "common" names like Emma or Sophie. I'm not saying those names aren't cute...quite the opposite...I think they are adorable. In fact, Ashland was supposed to be Sophie. I ADORE that name. But last year, it was the number one most popular girl name. I'm glad we didn't use it. I just don't want my girls to have six other girls in their grade with the same name. Ya know? Anyway, we did come up with a list of names we "liked". But no names that both of us agreed on.

We got to the hospital and everyone wanted to know what her name was going to be. We joked that we were going to name her Noname - pronounced no-nom-ay. The little girls even called her that.

Well, after she arrived, I wanted to name her Hartlyn Nicole. I felt as though I had delivered my heart. I had a connection to this little one that I did not feel with any of my other babies. She was special. She was different. There was something about her that I couldn't even put into words. But when I thought about her, the name Hartlyn just fit. I loved it. It was perfect.

Dun, dun, dun...along comes Ben.

He hated it.

He felt strongly that it wasn't right for her. For some reason he just couldn't agree. I tried to explain to him the why behind it, and I think he would have given in, but I didn't want him to name his daughter something that he really didn't like or think was right for her.

So, the search continued...

The day after she was born, I was alone for a few minutes while Ben, my Mom and the girls went to Fongs (our favorite restaurant from our college days...) for lunch.  My midwife, Helene, came in to check on me and asked me what her name was. I told her what I liked, and that Ben didn't like it. She suggested I get online and look up alternate names with "heart" in the meaning. So, I did.

They were awful. Nothing. Zip.

I decided to branch out. So I looked up names with "heaven" in their meaning. It pulled up Angel and Angelica...not exactly what I was looking for. I scrolled down the screen and there was one name in the M's... it meant HEAVEN IN MOMMY'S EYES... it. was. perfect. It just jumped out to me. I'd never heard it before. I thought it was pretty and the meaning struck a chord and sang to me.

Makaylyn.

It was perfect.

Now, to convince Ben...

When they got back, I told it to him and he listened. I was hoping he would just love it, but he didn't. Like I said...

Now, to convince Ben...

I didn't say much else about it. He had found another name he liked...I can't even remember now what it was...he is never easily convinced about much...so, I waited.

That night after everyone went home, I had missed my dose of medication because the girl next door was delivering a baby and my nurse wasn't available. I was really suffering and my nurse felt awful that I had been put off. So, she drew me a bath and I left Ben for a while to soak my aching body in the jetted tub. While I was alone, I just prayed that we would find the name that fit our little lady. I didn't want to name her the "wrong" name either...and after the experience I had during delivery...I knew that she needed a name as big and special as she was.

I know that had Ben not fought against Hartlyn, I would have given her that name. And now, I know it wasn't right. It was only because of him that I continued looking...and because of the experience we had during her birth that we were led to Makaylyn...it's full of meaning.

Makaylyn. Heaven in Mommy's Eyes...I saw it...I felt like time literally stood still when this sweet baby was born...the heavens parted and for a moment and I was given the tiniest glimpse into it...a peace...a stillness...a gentle calm...a whisper. Heaven was in her first cry...in our first touch. Heaven was in her eyes as they opened for the first time. Heaven was in knowing that I had carried this little spirit in my body for nine months and that she was now in my arms. Heaven was in knowing that I was her mother. I had a hand in her creation and now was given the precious responsibility of raising her...teaching her...holding her hand...kissing her...guiding her...singing to her... She showed me heaven...she reminded me of where I came from.

I remember looking at Ben with tears in my eyes and seeing the tears in his...she had effected us both...we both felt it...heaven.

So, after I came back from soaking in a bath, Ben and I once again talked names. I told him that I thought her name should be Makaylyn Brooke. I felt a strong connection to her and for some reason, giving her my name as her middle name felt right. And it sounded beautiful. Together, we prayed about it. We felt very close to our Heavenly Father and knew that this little girl was something special. After saying our amens, we both looked at each other and talked about our feelings. We know that we are going to have to step up our game as parents. This little lady is going to change things. We already feel a desire to be better. To strengthen our own relationships with our Savior. She showed us both a glimpse into heaven and we are going to do everything within our power to make sure we live up to this gift we've been given.

Now, we get to learn from her so that we can help her remember if there ever comes a time in her life when she may forget. Together we will strive for heaven. Constantly seek Him, so that as a family we can return.

Makaylyn...heaven in Mommy's eyes.

Thank you, sweet Makaylyn Brooke for showing us - if for just a moment - where you came from. Heaven. I hope and pray that we all will continue to see heaven through your eyes...forever.